Vote for 2008’s Most Sanctimonious Vegetarian Celebrity
Personally, I blame Gmail. Someone sent me a message, in which they mentioned vegetarian sausages; and the next thing I saw was an advert for PETA’s stomach-churning Sexiest Vegetarian Celebrity 2008 competition.
I mean, what sort of bollocks is this?
Whether they chose to go veg to improve their health, to help end global warming, or to avoid contributing to the inexcusable cruelty to animals on factory farms and in slaughterhouses, one thing is for sure – all these vegetarian celebrities have won our hearts and the hearts of animals.
The hearts of animals? Yeah right. Nothing like a bit of anthropomorphism to get everyone feeling righteous and mushy. It must be a real bastard being a vegetarian in today’s countryside: you’d forever be mobbed by lovestruck sheep and grateful cows, not to mention the roadkill that would spring back to life as you approached, and pat you on the back with its bloody paws or wings.
In many respects, adopting vegetarianism is rather like giving up smoking. Either is fine by me, as long as you don’t take up preaching the minute you lay off cigarettes or meat. I abandoned the fags over two-and-a-half years ago, but I know that I’d help no-one give up by telling them how morally superior I am for stubbing out my last Camel Filter. Besides, I’m not.
That’s why remarks like this one from former school bully Stella McCartney, who wants to ban leather seats from British Airways’ first class cabins (what a difference that will make), do not win my support:
I consider sitting on a poor cow’s skin a throwback to earlier, harder times - not a luxury.
Indeed, the patronising idiocy of that sentence makes me want to rush out and buy as much leather as I can possibly lay my hands on. This would do for starters:
Personally, I think it’s weird to equate diet with sexiness. I don’t think any differently of people because they prefer beans to beef, or vice versa. But I do find sanctimony, bossiness and moral posturing distinctly unsexy.
That’s why I officially declare the competition for 2008’s Most Sanctimonious Vegetarian Celebrity open. In the first round of voting, you can declare which female celebrity would vastly improved by being force-fed foie gras. The second round will open when I’ve typed in PETA’s extensive list of male celebrities.
Online voting is now open, and you can vote as often as you like. And you most certainly will not be charged.
Published on 3rd June, 2008
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